Serenity

Serenity. I adore this word. I'm always in the delicate process of achieving the state. My one problem which to be honest isn't really a problem is that you don't know when you are at that state until something major happens and you look around and everyone else is freaked out why you're just standing there happy but confused. Boy oooh boy this state does get me. I never blame anyone else for my state of mind or anything, but I have come to the conclusion that to truly earn my serenity and to truly connect with it I must and I do mean MUST be alone. Away from all that isn't natural or pure. Society is what takes away one's serenity. The acts that are done inside of it tether you in so many ways.

I will release my self from this chain gently as I learn more and more about my self, The serenity I seek is merely a walk away.

Baby Steps

The beginning of every journey begins with just one single step. The tallest and most brilliant structures of our time all started with that single brick or whatever else have you. One. Single. Act. I'm starting my journey finally and it all begins with this tiny little step. What's this tiny step? Simple it's getting a job. Incredibly simple actually. I'm slapping my self for not coming up with this sooner or rather fighting this solution. I'm a funny guy.

This step that a take I do with quite a warm and resolute feeling because it truly is a simple one. You just have to keep adding to it. Hopefully at the end of this I'll have that which I truly desire.

Ifs are just ifs

You ever been in one of those situations where you feel like you have the ultimate answer to the problem at hand but you're just too scared to take that leap forward towards it? I'm kinda going through that. I told my self like all the other times I've recited this. If you have a question that needs answering don't be afraid to pursue those answers and don't be afraid to ask those questions. It sounds a bit romantic, but honestly it's my motto.

My powerless situation is this. Someone whom I care for more deeply than I can fathom has been going through such a hard time. So hard a time in fact that it pains me just knowing that I can't really do anything for her. I want to just take her in my arms and tell her that I'm here for her and that whatever burdens her burdens me, but this isn't some high school musical. I've learned that a lot of things just aren't as simple as they seem. I for one am a huge believer in romance, but I also still do many things that I did as teenager and some of them are still very, very stupid. It's just infuriating to know that she's hurting so much.

I wish with all I am to tell her that I'm in love with her. To simply tell her that her hand is the only hand I want to always be held within my own. To tell her the light of her heart is what sets mine ablaze. She really does fill me with those type of thoughts it's just I can't tell her any of this. My main reasoning being I pushed for something like this before and it blew up all over my little face and heart. It's not fear nor regret that holds me but love that does.

She considers me her brother when we share no blood and if that's how she wishes to see me I will not go against it. I just simply wish to be near her.